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Every time I stand on the edge of a building, or any high place for that matter, I can't help but think of falling. It seems like the closest any human can get to flying. Not jumping, but falling. Letting go.

Falling. Like an ember. Like tears. Like an angel. Like stars, or the rain that falls from them. Like sunlight through stained glass windows. Like the last autumn leaf, forgotten by all but itself.  

Autumn leaves. I’ve always been jealous of them. They get to let go, they get to fall. Sure, they die after their little adventure, but won’t we all? I want to taste that unbridled freedom. The freedom that would be born from letting go of this, of what has become a perpetual ache. Maybe some day I’ll be able to let go. Oh, I know I’m nowhere near as important to the world as a leaf is to a tree. For now, I think I’m just scared. But maybe, one day…I’ll be free.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The woods in autumn are full of those leaves I envy so much. I stare at them in the dappled gold light and they seem to radiate peace from their resting places upon the earth. They seem to glow with the peace that they have had their freedom as their bodies are reclaimed by their Mother. Their brothers and sister fall all around me like in a golden snow.

They are so beautiful in death, colors of warmth and flame, blazing as they never did in life. Their fiery corpses crunch beneath my shoes while the wind sings a requiem for summer all around me.  

A hawk screams overhead, a piercing note of pure longing. Its cry echoes like the footsteps of despair echo in the back halls of my heart.

Here, in the rustling silence of the trees, those footsteps are louder than ever. Their rhythm torments me.  

I watch flecks of the deepening light dance on the bark of a nearby tree. I forget the cadence of those footsteps for a moment as I stare. The way the light flickers on the tree, it reminds me of a flame, or a song. The wind makes the leaves dance mid-flight. Its formless hands give a little push to the leaves that cling to the safety, familiarity of their branches and they join the dance. The leaves pull the shafts of light into their dance, and as I watch I can hear the song it all dances to; no music plays and it is quiet, but still, I hear the song. It’s not a song heard by the ears; it’s a song that is felt. That sounds strange even as I think it, but it’s the only way to describe this. I hear it somewhere beyond my flesh.  

Once I rip my eyes from the silent song, I realize I have never been this far into the woods before. I love it. It appears to be untouched and wild. Everything is overgrown; there are wild roses tangled up in the underbrush and the trees wear cloaks of vines.

The very sudden realization that I have no idea where I am severs the spell on me like a blow from a guillotine’s blade. I feel the icy venom of panic flood my veins, but the flood recedes moments later. The fear is replaced by a burning elation.

I’m lost. Totally and completely lost.   

I have never been so happy.

The elation burns brighter, along with something else I haven’t felt in a very long time. That something is hope. Out here, cradled in the arms of the forest, I can let go. The binds are broken and I can breathe. I savor every breath as my first and my last. As long as I’m lost out here, I’m free.

And I notice those footsteps have fallen silent.  

Maybe one day, I’ll find my way. But for now, even just for a little while, I need to be lost.
I started this probably a month or more ago, and it took me until 3am tooday to finish it XD I think it's weird, but I kinda like it. Contructive critisism is welcome, and feedback is loved. ^^


Edit: I'm going to edit some of my stuff as I get the time, because I know there are always things to improve on. Plus, I'm just kinda neurotic like that.
And thanks to :icontec-thepenofmerlin: for the critique, because it did help. ;)
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:iconjaythorne:
Jaythorne Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
:jawdrop: And you tell me you don't think you're good enough to become a writer. Love, this is AMAZING. I love it! It's beautiful. <33 Instant fave from the first paragraph. You're much better than I. 8DD :heart:
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Student General Artist
*blushes so much I combust*

Thanks so much, hon. :heart: Instant fav? aw. =]

I am not better than you XD :poke:
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:iconjaythorne:
Jaythorne Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
XD Aw, don't explode!!! *huggles*

You're very welcome, love. Truly, it's beautiful. <3
XD Are too!!! :icontarddanceplz:
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Student General Artist
lol*unexplodes and ish huggled*

:aww: My writing tends to just be random streams of thought, so I'm never sure if its good XD

HAHAHA, gotta love teh tard dance XDD
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:iconjaythorne:
Jaythorne Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
"Unexplodes"? XDD That's a new one. XDDD

XD Most of my writing is random, too. No worries, dear. Random thoughts are the best. =]

XDD YUSH!! ^___^
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Student General Artist
Haha, yea...idk :P

XD Random is good. Especially if you suck at plots like me. Teehee.
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:iconjaythorne:
Jaythorne Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
XD I'm terrible at plots. I can start things out, but I can never end them right... >.<
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2008  Student General Artist
hahaha, same here. They always either end up making no sense or just plain failing epically. >.<
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(1 Reply)
:iconmystxx:
Mystxx Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
I just have a little note here, a 'guillotine blade' IS a noun. It's saying what kind of blade, and since guillotines have blades, it makes perfect sense to me.

Otherwise, good story, sorry that I don't have time to critique. ;P
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:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
TEC-ThePenOfMerlin Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2008
This was :+fav: material by the second paragraph. :clap:

But of course... you did ask for critique. *dramatic three-notes*

"That sounds weird even as I think it, but it’s the only way to describe this."-->The word "weird" sounds, well, weird. "Strange" seems to fit better with the flow and tone of the overall piece.

"The very sudden realization that I have no idea where I am severs the spell on me like a guillotine blade. I feel the icy venom of panic flood my veins, but the flood recedes moments later. The fear is replaced by a burning elation.-->"Guillotine" is a noun or a verb--not an adjective. I think that it ought to be changed to the possessive form.
The sudden heightening of the narrator's feelings is a bit... extreme. It made me tense up just from reading it. Not that that's a bad thing. Just, if you want to soften it a little, lengthen the sentence or add some other transition. If you like the shock-value, leave it be.
I might also have cut the final sentence in the preceding paragraph. I think that we understand the color scheme by that point. But removing it may detract from the shock of this paragraph, too.

"The binds are broken and I can finally breathe, really breathe."-->I might make the dependent clause at the end it's own sentence. It just flows better in my mind that way.

Just keep in mind that you're an excellent writer and that I have obsessive tendencies. You don't have to take any of my suggestions seriously. ^^;

Merlin
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2008  Student General Artist
haha, well thanks!! :)

The critique/suggestion are always welcome^^. I'll be editing a couple things once I have time.
So thanks, because they actually do help :]
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:iconalahranadal:
AlahraNadal Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I haven't really read all that much of your work. But i have read enough to know that the style of this is quite different than the others. I like it a lot because of that. And while reading it, i had no idea where you were going with it. So it was really nice to read. You found a really expressive and symbolic way of saying what you did and describing what this person went through. Very nice!
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:iconeternalember:
EternalEmber Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2008  Student General Artist
well, pretty much everything I've written is on here, because I haven't written all that much. I'm glad you think the style is different, cuz I am aiming for that. And I like how you didn't know where i was going with it (I didn't either, while writing it, lol). It's weird too, because that thing about the light on the tree sort of did happen to me O.o

Glad you liked it :)
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:iconalahranadal:
AlahraNadal Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
of course. I am glad i read it. And the style for this came out really nicely. And, lol, i write like that when i am atempting my short stories. I guess they end up ok (i wouldn't know because i don't submit them) but they are never what i want. So i am glad that at least writing without a plan works for you.

And sometimes that helps to find things to write about. When you have experienced what you are writing about. And it helps it to seem more real.
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