literature

Wishes and Autumn

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EternalEmber's avatar
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Literature Text

Every time I stand on the edge of a building, or any high place for that matter, I can't help but think of falling. It seems like the closest any human can get to flying. Not jumping, but falling. Letting go.

Falling. Like an ember. Like tears. Like an angel. Like stars, or the rain that falls from them. Like sunlight through stained glass windows. Like the last autumn leaf, forgotten by all but itself.  

Autumn leaves. I’ve always been jealous of them. They get to let go, they get to fall. Sure, they die after their little adventure, but won’t we all? I want to taste that unbridled freedom. The freedom that would be born from letting go of this, of what has become a perpetual ache. Maybe some day I’ll be able to let go. Oh, I know I’m nowhere near as important to the world as a leaf is to a tree. For now, I think I’m just scared. But maybe, one day…I’ll be free.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The woods in autumn are full of those leaves I envy so much. I stare at them in the dappled gold light and they seem to radiate peace from their resting places upon the earth. They seem to glow with the peace that they have had their freedom as their bodies are reclaimed by their Mother. Their brothers and sister fall all around me like in a golden snow.

They are so beautiful in death, colors of warmth and flame, blazing as they never did in life. Their fiery corpses crunch beneath my shoes while the wind sings a requiem for summer all around me.  

A hawk screams overhead, a piercing note of pure longing. Its cry echoes like the footsteps of despair echo in the back halls of my heart.

Here, in the rustling silence of the trees, those footsteps are louder than ever. Their rhythm torments me.  

I watch flecks of the deepening light dance on the bark of a nearby tree. I forget the cadence of those footsteps for a moment as I stare. The way the light flickers on the tree, it reminds me of a flame, or a song. The wind makes the leaves dance mid-flight. Its formless hands give a little push to the leaves that cling to the safety, familiarity of their branches and they join the dance. The leaves pull the shafts of light into their dance, and as I watch I can hear the song it all dances to; no music plays and it is quiet, but still, I hear the song. It’s not a song heard by the ears; it’s a song that is felt. That sounds strange even as I think it, but it’s the only way to describe this. I hear it somewhere beyond my flesh.  

Once I rip my eyes from the silent song, I realize I have never been this far into the woods before. I love it. It appears to be untouched and wild. Everything is overgrown; there are wild roses tangled up in the underbrush and the trees wear cloaks of vines.

The very sudden realization that I have no idea where I am severs the spell on me like a blow from a guillotine’s blade. I feel the icy venom of panic flood my veins, but the flood recedes moments later. The fear is replaced by a burning elation.

I’m lost. Totally and completely lost.   

I have never been so happy.

The elation burns brighter, along with something else I haven’t felt in a very long time. That something is hope. Out here, cradled in the arms of the forest, I can let go. The binds are broken and I can breathe. I savor every breath as my first and my last. As long as I’m lost out here, I’m free.

And I notice those footsteps have fallen silent.  

Maybe one day, I’ll find my way. But for now, even just for a little while, I need to be lost.
I started this probably a month or more ago, and it took me until 3am tooday to finish it XD I think it's weird, but I kinda like it. Contructive critisism is welcome, and feedback is loved. ^^


Edit: I'm going to edit some of my stuff as I get the time, because I know there are always things to improve on. Plus, I'm just kinda neurotic like that.
And thanks to :icontec-thepenofmerlin: for the critique, because it did help. ;)
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Jaythorne's avatar
:jawdrop: And you tell me you don't think you're good enough to become a writer. Love, this is AMAZING. I love it! It's beautiful. <33 Instant fave from the first paragraph. You're much better than I. 8DD :heart: